Log in

My Prayer

Dear God,

How are you doing tonight? Excellent, I hope. First and foremost, I would like to thank you for everything you've done for my family and I. I thank you for always being there for us, for guiding us, for keeping us in your thoughts. Thank you for being there and being a constant in our lives. On this cold night, I would like to pray for the people with nowhere to go, no place to live. I'd like to pray for the people with no warm coats, shoes, or shelter- all, admittedly, things I take for granted. I'd like to pray for people in poverty, in dangerous situations, people with few means, people who have lost their hope or faith...I would even like to pray for my enemies and for the people who do bad in this world. I pray for my parents and my sister (I love them very much), my extended family, my friends, their family, and every single person on this planet- because we all need your guidance. I trust that you have a plan for us all, and though we create our own destinies, you help and guide us along the way. I would also like to pray for all the silent intentions in my heart and the hearts of those I love. I appreciate and love you very much. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.


Writer's Block: Daily Internet routine

Hm, let's see.

1. Log onto AIM
2. Check my emial
3. Check my facebook
4. Go to fictionpress
5. Go to my edline
6. Go to youtube
7. Go to AOL
8. Go to bing (I check out the new pictures religiously)
9. Research (schoolwork)

This is a VERY brief list of what I do online. The list, in reality, is much longer and much more in depth. It's extremely complicated. I'm what one would call a cyber-addict. It's actually really sad, but you learn a whole lot. There are days where I deviate from this list, but these are my core sites.


It's funny. Not really. Just the other day, my friend and I were discussing cutting. No, let me take that back. We were discussing the charity To Write Love On Her Arms (which deals with people and self-destructive behavior- addiction, depression, cutting, etc). She relayed to me that a friend of hers cut, and I said 'I think cutting is a cop out'. I honestly thought that cutting was a waste of time. I've never understood cutters, or even why they do it. I thought of depression. I did not (could not)accept that as an excuse. And no one can tell me I don't know what it's like, because I DO know what it's like. There was a point in my life where I used to wish I wouldn't wake up each morning. A point where I seriously considered ending my existence on this earth. A point where I prayed to God every day asking Him (or Her) to relieve me of my misery. I DO know what depression feels like- but never, not once, did I get the urge to cut. I just don't understand it.

Yesterday, I went to the To Write Love On Her Arms website. I can't say it's completely changed my opinion, but I was definitely shocked into seeing a different perspective. The stories there are so touching. So inspiring. So breathtakingly positive. How could I keep on thinking like that when I was presented with such stories- for a story is what started the charity in the first place.

I think I've become a different person. Any major revelation changes a person, and this is definitely no exception. There was a quote that caught my attention in particular:
"If you struggle with self-injury, you are not "a cutter". You are a person. You are not only your pain. You are not only wounds and scars. You are also better things. You are possibility and promise, hope and healing, daydreams, favorite books and favorite songs. You are the people that you love and the people who love you. You are hope and change and things worth fighting for. This is all your story and your story isn't over."

Please visit the site: www.twloha.com

I and Love and You

I was surfing the web the other day and I came across The Avett Brothers latest album. I don't really listen to their music and I really hadn't heard of them prior to that day, but they caught my eye because in their new album they had a mission statement. Yes, that's right- a mission statement. What type of band has a mission statement, anyway? Apparently The Avett Brothers do. Curious, I searched for and read their mission statement. I am so glad I did. I just want to share this with you guys. It's so inspiring. So beautiful. Just- Wow.

"The words "I" and "Love" and "You" are the watermark of humanity. Strung together, they convey our deepest sense of humility, of power, of truth. It is our most common sentiment, even as the feeling of it is so infinitely uncommon: each to proclaim these three words with his or her very own heart and mindset of reason (or lack thereof); a proclamation completely and perfectly new each time it is offered. Uttered daily and nightly by millions, the words are said in an unending array of circumstances : whispered to a newborn in a mothers arms; shared between best friends on the playground; in the form of sympathy - said by a girl to a boy, as the respect continues but the relationship does not. It is said too loudly by parents to embarassed children in the company of their friends, and by grown children - to their fading parents in hospital beds. The words are thought in the company of the photograph and said in the company of the gravestone. It is how we end our phone calls and our letters... the words at the bottom of the page that trump all those above it, a way to gracefully finish a message, however important or trivial, with the most meaningful gifl of all : the communication of love. And yet the words themselves have been the victims of triviality, a ready replacement for lesser salutations among near strangers, burst forth casually as "love ya." Truly? To what degree? Why, how much, and for how long? These are questions befitting of the stature of love, though not the everyday banter of vague acquaintance. The words have also been twisted by the dark nature of deceit : To say "I love you" with a dramatic measure of synthetic emotion; a snare set by those who prey uponn fellow humanity, driven to whatever selfish end, to gain access to another's body, or their money, or their opportunity. In this realm, the proclamation is disgraced by one seeking to gain rather than to give. In any case, and by whatever inspiration, these words are woven deeply in to the fibers of our existence. Our longing to hear them from the right place is maddeningly and simultaneously our finest strength and our most gentle weakness.The album "I and Love and You" is inashamedly defined by such a dynamic of duality. As living people, we are bound by this unavoidable parallel. We are powerful yet weak, capable yet temporary. Inevitably, an attempt to place honesty within an artistic avenue will follow suit. This is a piece which shows us as we are : products of love surrounded by struggle. The music herein is, in many ways, readable as both a milestone and an arrival. A chapter in the story of young men, it bridges the space between the uncertainty of youth and the reality of it's release. The record is full with the quality of the question and response. As far as questions go, there are plenty-normally residing within the tone and delivery of the lyrics themselves, which, ironically, are sung with so much confidence. Among songs and thoughts so driven and purposeful, the most basic relatable doubt comes through with a resounding clarity. Outside of the eternal theme of romantic love, the album speaks thankfully upon a landscape of light-filled rooms, word-filled pages, time machines, forgiveness, singing birds, ocean waves, art, change, confessions of shortcomings, and reasons to continue on. Hope and a cause for smiling follow naturally. In the midst of all this, there are allusions to the less-than-ideal conditions of life : the loss of memory, the inability to control temper, insecurity, indecision, jaded indifference, and the general plague of former and current weakness. "I and Love and You" is an album of obvious human creation, chracterized by it's best and it's worst. Emotional imperfection is a reality for those who recorded the piece, just as it is for those who will hear it. The conclusion of the song from which the title is taken admits that the words "I love you" have become "hard to say". And perhaps that difficulty is as common as it's counterpart. Perhaps the inability to say these heaviest of words is as much a part of life as the lighthearted candor of those who say them without any difficulty at all. And so it ends with the phrase whispered to and by those of us most defeated and most elated... I and love and you."

- The Avett Brothers

Hello, LiveJournal

As an aspiring author (Okay, no I don't really want to be an author. I'm just saying that to drive my point home.) I'm always writing up new stories, making up characters, plots, etc (mostly all in my head). Recently however, I've been experiencing a major writer's block. So I thought to myself, what better story to write about than the story of my life. This is not an autobiography. This is mostly for myself. It is common knowledge that I don't have the dedication to keep a handwritten journal- mostly because my hand cramps after the first 5 minutes of writing (that's what happens when you have too much to say, and too little diary space. Honestly, typing is SO much easier.) Anyway, maybe when I'm old and dying, I can look back and show my great, great grandchildren or something (Yes, you heard right. I said great, great grandchildren- because I plan to live that long.) If you happen to stumble upon this, keep in mind that I was not specifically writing for an audience. There will be things you might not understand, but I do hope you enjoy reading it nonetheless.